


How To Jar Your First Million

by KawaiiAllcatrazz



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Character, but the concept is hilarious to me, i realise belle delphine isn't an angel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 11:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20506199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiAllcatrazz/pseuds/KawaiiAllcatrazz
Summary: Is Weiss Schnee gay beyond compare? Yeah. Is she a walking disaster? Yeah. Is she extremely easy to negotiate into dumb shit while high off her ass? Duh.





	How To Jar Your First Million

**Author's Note:**

> this is weiss' new theme song
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVSS1K6pYA8
> 
> Also, Weiss' and Yang's pronouns here are she/they, Blake's are they/them, and if you're upset about that, please find something else to waste your time on.

If there are any coherent thoughts left in Weiss’ completely sky high mind, she sure as fuck doesn’t have a clue where.

Maybe they are hiding behind all that internal screaming hogging the spotlight! With thankfulness for not being currently watched by a few hundred people cheering for it from the sidelines with pride-themed pom-poms in hand!

At the very least now, thanks to the green gold smoke she inhaled a few minutes ago, the abysmal screeches are of purely gay,_ not at all panicking_, variety. Actually, if anyone asked, she is _abso-fucking-lutely_ fine. Great even, alive and fucking kicking. And _yes_, the milky pink, carpeted floor of her apartment's living room is indeed _extremely_ comfortable, _yes_, do you need anything else, oh weed-induced Yang-shaped hallucination?

She swears, when she gets back to her very own work again, she won’t utter a _single fucking word_ to any of those_ heathens_ when they come over.

_HOW THE IN THE SWEETEST FUCK DID THEY EVEN CONVINCE ME TO DO THIS SHIT!?_

***

Weiss is very gay. She knows it well, and it’s no goddamn mystery to neither her friends, nor to her fans. Not even to her middle-aged neighbour from two floors below she met in a gay club two months ago, got wasted with and drunkenly cried to about Bee-Ra’s second season finale. And it’s definitely not some hidden truth of the closet to her beloved girlfriend.

What the world around seems to not ever be able to grasp about it though (even Ashleighynne from two floors below) is just how… truly _useless_ she can get because of that. When Yang first approached her on a GailyMolition convention she could’ve sworn that in the moment she saw the blonde her soul straight up astral projected into one of her previous short lifes as a virgin sacrifice for the cheerful vampire lady living in a meme castle at the top of the hill. Sure, she did her best not to actively show the gay, but does the gay within ever listen to her? Of course not! Which is why she spent two whole days of a ‘fun plus work’ event blushing up a storm at each glance at Yang’s goddamn arms! And her fucking abs, because of course it had to be like 40**°**C at the time and that adorably insufferable bodybuilder just had to wear a tank top! How did Yang not notice her thirsty distress? Who knows!

What does Weiss’ gay panic about her partner have to do with anything going on right now though? Well, turns out Yang was by no means Weiss’ first crush. In qact (queer fact), that tiny enby tends to have one on approximately twenty people at any given time! And no one else than Pyrrha Nikos herself has been the strongest cannon in that little rainbow army for a few long months now! _**Yaaay! **_

But wait! There’s more! Because we need a fucking point to this mess!

The thing is Pyrrha , like all of Weiss’ friends nowadays, is a streamer! And guess what – Weiss is too! What’s the trouble then, you ask? Absolutely nothing, except that Weiss signed up to manage what might be the most tasteless and ethically the worst business idea in the history of GailyMolition! Fuck that, in history of Weiss’ life! And she’s not even certain they’ll meet their supply quota on time!

Pyrrha Brand Gamer Girl Bathwater™ is supposed to be on sale in less than _two damn weeks_!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry for that. And I won't be sorry for what's to come.


End file.
